Sympathy Preggers

Now that Rachel is starting to show, the reality of the pregnancy is beginning to set in. She's begun to eat more, get a little burpy, and we've even begun to pick out baby clothes. Why, just last night, we purchased a little Dodgers outfit so that the baby will always have a little California in it.

But, nothing has begun to make the pregnancy more apparent than one thing:



Yep. Sympanthy preggers.

What exactly is sympathy preggers? Well, doctors of science have concluded through extensive studies that sympathy preggers is when the partner of the pregnant mother starts to develop a little bit of a belly themselves. The partner begins to eat more, get a little bit more gassy, and grow a little bit in the tummy region.

An example:

The other morning, as part of Rachel's 25th birthday, I went to our favorite breakfast nook to purchase Rachel's favorite pregnant food, hasbrowns cooked with crispy bacon and cheese baked in. I, being the health concious person that I am, only ordered hasbrowns and a SIDE of bacon. When I arrived back at the apartment, I inspected the order and noted that they had given Rachel an extra side of bacon, too. Well, since she really can't have bacon whilst pregnant, she was very generous (and on her birthday even!) to let me have her bacon. And, I ate all nine pieces in one sitting, followed by hasbrowns.

But, the kicker to this scientific anomoly:

I might begin lactating.

Yes, breathe that in for a moment.

Disturbing, no?

Not only will I have a little baby belly minus baby, but my nipples will finally have a purpose. They will excrete a milk like fluid to the amusement of God who will laugh hysterically at the odd stains that turn up on my shirt while playing solitaire at work. Mind you, this doesn't happen to all men, but guess who it is going to happen to?

Moi.

Why? Because God thinks its funny when things happen to Adam. Oh, God, you really got me on this one.

All is not lost however. There are ways to combat such a thing. For the buddha belly, I have begun to work out. This below picture is an illustration of my new hobby:



And, the reason for bicycle riding. I get to ride behind this beautiful woman:



I do love her so.

As for the milking, I will just have to cut up little ziplock baggies and tape them to my nipples to collect and change during the day. Come to think of it, maybe I should wait until after the baby is delivered to lose the belly, because it would be more odd to have a completely round chest as opposed to man breasts that leak.

But, enough about milking.

On a different note, we are counting down the weeks until we move back to the American Heartland. And, it couldn't come at a better time. Work is becoming a lot more hectic, with me going in at six in the morning and not getting off until nine. The universe does work in strange ways, because if I were to keep this job, I would never be able to see my new family, and that would be a damn shame. The overtime is ridiculous, and I don't know how much longer I can help cast for a film entitled 'Hard Breakers', which, if you didn't know, I have to sit at a computer until four in the afternoon, when production finally calls with an order for tomorrow, and then I have to spend the rest of the evening looking for beach bums and bunnies that know how to play volleyball. It is very superficial, and my soul dies a little every time I have to look for a beach bubble blonde (although, it does grow a little when I have to find midget albino jugglers who can speak another language).

But, I get to come home to the wonderful woman that is going to be my wife. And, there really is nothing better than coming home after a long day, snuggling up, and getting fat with someone.

Life is good sometmes. Especially when sometimes looks like this:



Oh, and I'm totally dating an older woman. I will never get tired of putting that out there.

Happy 25th Birthday, Rachel.



End blog.