Rachel Wants a Bedpan Because She's Pregnant

Gun to my head, Rachel finally sat me down and made me write. I really must say that she is a lovely woman, because who else other than my almost wife could pelt me with such nuggets of hilarity that they must be put down.

Let me recap what has been going on recently, but first let me mention what I was supposed to blog about in the past two weeks.

1. We went to a wedding in Oklahoma. On the way, Rachel was sick (and I can't tell if she just had a cold or if she was really sick because she gets REALLY dramatic when she's ill* (*sidenote: please say a prayer for me when she's giving birth), we were almost late to the airport, where we literally were the last people on the plane and had to run through the airport ala 'Home Alone'. Also, when we were in Arizona she was so ill that she slumped over, face down, on the automatic walkway, and when people kept passing us, they looked at me as if I had drugged her.

But, the wedding was nice and they played Huey Lewis songs from 'Back to the Future' twice. It was a good time had by all... until that night when we watched home movies and I found out that Rachel can be kind of scary when she wants to be (not to mention that she can't get into clubs).

And, Krista and Joel were there.



We were sad to come home and resume our normal lives. Because when we came back, I had to go back to work for Disney...

2. I quit Disney. Yep. Not only did I quit Disney, I just basially stopped showing up for a week, and played hookey.



On the last day, however, I did meet Linda Cardellini from 'Freaks and Geeks' and 'ER', talked to her, and drove her car. And, yes, ladies and gentlemen, she was on her way up to John Stamos' room. That's right, as mentioned earlier, Uncle Jesse's a freak a leak.

3. I started working at Central Casting. This is a good job. I get paid well, I'm working in entertainment, there is tons of overtime, I get to go to movie sets... oh... and did I mention that I have nothing to do? Because I don't. So, I sit there for eight plus hours, not writing in the baby blog, but looking up people in our extensive database. What have I looked up, you're asking yourself? Well here are some examples:

a. The tallest people on our system.
b. People who weigh over 300 pounds.
c. People missing different limbs, who also have tattoos.
d. Weightlifting midgets.
e. Crazy people who get kicked off of sets.
f. Myself. (Yeah, I'm in the system. I'm kind of a badass like that... or maybe just a little sad.)

Oh, and the company is also run by Mormons, so, you know there are going to be some funny stories.

So, this is all that's been happening in the past couple of weeks. Which brings us up to date.

Things have been a little tense in the house lately, and on top of everything, our toilet broke. Now, this would not normally be a big deal, but the problem is, is that it took over three days to get fixed. Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hey, they live in a two bathroom place, they'll just use the other toilet until that one gets fixed."

Well, I did. But, Rachel. Well... because of recent circumstances, Rachel is... hmm... how can I put this delicately... too proud to pee.

Now, what does 'too proud to pee mean'? It just means that instead of using the second toilet like a normal person, she used the broken toilet three times, and then commenced peeing in the shower, even when she wasn't taking a shower. That right there is pride. Never have I ever met anyone who pees in the shower without taking a shower. I am now marrying that one person. I mean, really. It makes sense if you get up in the morning, you're a little sleepy, you turn on the shower and nature takes it's course. But, it is another thing when you stop mid conversation and get up to pee in the shower, with clothes on.

That is nothing but strange to me. And, keep in mind, this is coming from the guy who peed in a kitchen trashcan and the sink (on a couple of occasions), when he was over the age of sixteen and wasn't intoxicated.

Yeah. She's a weird one.

Which brings me to the bedpan. Beginning this blog, Rachel leaned into me and said, "I need a bedpan." Her logic is that she is pregnant, which means she has to pee a lot, thus she should have the privelege usually reserved for old/overweight people, to piss in a bed, so she doesn't have to walk to the restroom. My response was simply, "No." My reasoning for that response: I will have to clean the bedpan.

God, I do love this woman of mine.

And, on that note, we will close with something to think about.



Don't J-Lo and Marc Antony's babies look like weird old men? I mean, one of them is practically bald around the top like I will soon be, and he hasn't even hit three months yet! It jsut goes to show you that fame makes babies ugly. Thus, we're not famous, so our baby will be cute.

On the other hand, it does have this for a father:



End blog.