For the first time since I was born, I have missed my favorite event of the year. Lately, it's become more of a nostalgic thing, but I love it still. My mom was in labor with me during the Academy Awards in 1983 (yes, they used to be in April.). When I was younger I always took it as a sign that I was meant to be a star. Cut, to 20 some years later and instead of attending the awards, I'm catching quick glances of it on the television in the bar of the seafood restaurant I am a waitress at.
Suddenly, the goals I had for myself are becoming the goals I have for my child. It's strange how the tables can turn so suddenly. I am a mom now. That is my job. I can no longer move from city to city, apartment to apartment, and job to job. I have to be....cringe...responsible. For example, I detest my job. I was working a dinner shift tonight, when one of the managers saw me try and cover a yawn with my mouth. She walked over to me and snapped her fingers in my face. "Wake up!" she barked " there's no reason for you to be tired!".
I wanted to yell back at her, "Actually, there is...I was up all night traveling to the bathroom because the 3 month old fetus inside of me is continously pressing on my bladder....and I had to walk a mile and a half from my car to here, hoping i wouldn't get shot by The Latin Kings, because I can't afford to pay $12 a day to park next door....and I don't have the luxury of being continously hopped up on Red Bull and Diet Coke, like you do."
Then, in my life before baby, I would have thrown my apron on the ground and stormed out, getting home just in time to watch Glen Hansaard win Best Original Song and eat some sopapilla cheesecake on the couch with Adam. Instead, I had to bite my tongue and nod. After all, Table 124 still needed their Hot Seafood Combo Platter. "I'm doing this for the baby" is what I repeated over and over in my head for the rest of the evening.
...hmmm...on a happier note.....We're going to the doctor on Tuesday, when we will hopefully hear the baby's heart beat for the first time!! I can't believe I'm done with the first trimester. I look down at my stomach everyday, to see how big it's gotten. So far, I can still button my pants. They're not as comfortable as they once were, but they fit, nonetheless.
I should go to bed now. I've been out here on the couch for the past two hours, because Adam has a cold (bless his heart) ,and when Adam has a cold, it means nonstop snoring. So right now, between the baby squirming inside of me and the fiance snoring beside me, it looks like I will not be getting any sleep tonight.....and you know what? I couldn't be happier.
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3 comments:
Dear Rachel, Unfortunately this probably won't be the last time that you'll miss the Academy Awards Show as a new mother. But, you do have your priorities straight and that's the tiny new life inside of you. Good luck tomorrow at the dr's. office and keep us posted about baby Ramona or baby Samuel. Hugs and kisses, Nana.
Yes, you finally are seeing what it is all about. Children. They are so worth it. You - you were so worth it. I'm proud of you.
Marmee
p.s. who is Nana??
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